ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
