I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We just shotgunned beers for America
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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