mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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