In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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