so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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