honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
