I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I did not marry a roomba.
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