We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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