she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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