Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
