You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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