I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
