So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
