weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
this boner is exhausting
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
