tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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