when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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