I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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