I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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