I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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