Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
