you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
