Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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