the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
