Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
