I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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