I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
