i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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