I just made out with a guy for $7.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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