covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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