I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
