how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
