Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I need to stop coming to work sober
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How does one acquire holy water?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
