A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize