if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
