Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
