You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
