I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
