at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
