they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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