I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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