I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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