If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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