At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
