I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
