it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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