at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
