Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
