Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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