so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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