u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you inspire me to be a worse person
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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