OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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