She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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