pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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