I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
