He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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