I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
