I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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