i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
