And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
