STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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