If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
