Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
