Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
