My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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