Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
