My first STD was from a foam party
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize