that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
