my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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