ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize