Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it's like iHOP with fire
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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