Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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