i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
