No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
