I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
