how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize