I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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