OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
