I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
