hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
