Someone shit on the floor
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
