these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
