doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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