woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
