Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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