so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
