u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
