just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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