flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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