is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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