Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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