I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
