cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
