Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
