So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
