Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
