one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I believe in your delicious
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
