I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize