hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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