my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
