I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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