can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
