so that wasnt chicken after all
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
