cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
