dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
