Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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