We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
