i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've blown a few things in my day
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
