it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Come on in and take your pants off
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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