I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
please don't ironically join a cult
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